Why do dl men date women

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Last updated: April 8, 2026

Quick Answer: The term 'DL men' refers to men who identify as heterosexual publicly but engage in same-sex relationships privately, often due to social stigma. Research indicates that DL men may date women to maintain social appearances, fulfill family expectations, or access heterosexual privileges. A 2016 study in the Journal of Sex Research found that 15% of men who have sex with men in the U.S. identify as heterosexual, with many maintaining relationships with women. This behavior is particularly observed in communities with strong cultural or religious prohibitions against homosexuality.

Key Facts

The term 'down low' (DL) emerged in African American communities in the 1990s to describe men who have sex with men while identifying as straight
A 2016 CDC study found that 6.9% of men reported same-sex sexual contact in their lifetime while identifying as heterosexual
Research shows DL men are 3 times more likely to have concurrent female partners than openly gay men
The DL phenomenon gained national attention in 2004 with J.L. King's book 'On the Down Low'
Studies indicate DL behavior contributes to 25-30% of new HIV infections among African American women in some urban areas

Overview

The 'down low' (DL) phenomenon describes men who publicly identify as heterosexual while privately engaging in same-sex relationships. This behavior emerged prominently in African American communities during the 1990s, though similar patterns exist across cultures. The term gained mainstream attention in 2004 with J.L. King's book 'On the Down Low: A Journey into the Lives of 'Straight' Black Men Who Sleep with Men,' which highlighted how social stigma, religious conservatism, and cultural expectations drive this dual identity. Historically, similar patterns have been documented in Latino communities (called 'hombres hombres') and in various international contexts where homosexuality carries severe social consequences. The DL phenomenon intersects with complex issues of race, masculinity, and sexual identity, with research showing it's particularly prevalent in communities where traditional gender roles are strongly enforced and where LGBTQ+ acceptance remains limited.

How It Works

DL men typically maintain heterosexual public identities through several mechanisms: they date or marry women, avoid LGBTQ+ spaces, and use discreet communication methods for same-sex encounters. This behavior is driven by multiple factors including internalized homophobia, fear of discrimination, desire to maintain family approval, and access to heterosexual privileges. Many DL men compartmentalize their lives, keeping same-sex activities completely separate from their public identities. They often use specific terminology and coded language within DL networks, with relationships ranging from anonymous encounters to long-term secret partnerships. The internet and dating apps have created new spaces for DL connections while maintaining anonymity. Research indicates this behavior follows predictable patterns: DL men are more likely to have concurrent relationships with both men and women, less likely to use protection consistently, and more likely to avoid HIV testing due to fear of exposure.

Why It Matters

The DL phenomenon has significant public health implications, particularly regarding HIV transmission. Studies show DL men are less likely to disclose their same-sex activities to female partners, contributing to disproportionate HIV rates among African American women. Beyond health impacts, this behavior highlights ongoing challenges in LGBTQ+ acceptance and the psychological toll of living dual lives. Understanding DL dynamics is crucial for developing effective sexual health education, creating inclusive support systems, and addressing the root causes of stigma that drive men to conceal their sexuality. The phenomenon also raises important questions about sexual identity categories and the limitations of binary labels in describing human sexuality.